Anyway the answer to my previous riddle which nobody tried to solve is TEAPOT.
After a month-long holiday in the US , my wife and I finally boarded
the plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched
off, a 6 ft 3' black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row
got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and
yelled, 'HIJACK!'
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen
And two air marshals were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him
when another voice answered from the back of the plane: 'HI JOHN!'
Marriage jokes
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand God. He makes such beautiful things as women
and then he turns them into Wives.
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If you are married please ignore this message.
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day.
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking.
It's called marriage.
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Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot and spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like leftovers, eaten when there's no choice.
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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he
would
go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going through hell.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other
ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
Once: upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
>After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life
>together was, of course, perfect.
>
>One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their
>perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the
side
>of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to
help.
>
>There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
>disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple
>loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.
>
>Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
>
>Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect
>couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the
>accident.
>
>Question: Who was the survivor?
>
>(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)
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>Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really
>existed in the first place.
>Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a
>perfect man.
>
>**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
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>**** Men keep scrolling.
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>So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have
>been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
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>Men Keep scrolling
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>By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this
illustrates
>another point: Women never listen.
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases
where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in
the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an
alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and
input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
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