Jokes section

Found a bunch of funny jokes and i was laughing my ass off at them. So i HAVE to share them.

Her Side of the Story:

My husband was in an odd mood Sunday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the entire day shopping with the girls and I thought it may have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn’t say anything about it. I don’t remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to some place intimate so we could talk more privately.

We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting funny. I was getting really worried; what did I do?
What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was really bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said ! no. But I wasn’t really sure.

So, anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arms around me. I didn’t know what the hell that meant, because, you know, he didn’t say it back or anything.
We finally got home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! so I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to bed. Then, after about 10 minutes he joined me, and, to my surprise, we made love! But he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards, even though I wanted to comfort him, I didn’t. I just cried myself to sleep. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he’s seeing someone else.

His Side of the Story

Man U lost last night.
Kind of tired from staying up.
Got laid though.

This is a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao by China Southern Airlines:

"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingtao. Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable. Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m. Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. kill."

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.



To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

All these are actually news article headlines...

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead. "Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor. "Oh, no, " replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!" At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead. "Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?" "Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour, " replies the nurse. Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse, " asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?" "OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.

















***Prick also stands for penis